


Letters

by Wildathartt84



Series: Something Good [1]
Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: Canon Lesbian Relationship, F/F, Fluff and Smut, Lesbian Character, Original Character(s), Post-Season/Series 01, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:07:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 17,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28091373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wildathartt84/pseuds/Wildathartt84
Summary: Three months after the events of season 1. Shelby is checking out of the rehab/ conversion therapy her parents thought they had been sending her to all along. She has not had any contact with Toni throughout the 90 days. She wrote Toni everyday but couldn’t send them. She knows that Toni is probably confused and hurt by her silence. As soon as she is released Shelby sends the letters in bulk to Martha’s house, Toni’s last known address.
Relationships: Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe
Series: Something Good [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2092731
Comments: 150
Kudos: 920





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Assuming based on Episode 10 and the comments “trying to avoid a lawsuit,” and that she is not present in the interviews that something has happened to Martha. In this story, Martha is in a medically induced coma and has been transferred back to a car facility in Minnesota. 
> 
> Each chapter is one of the letters Shelby wrote.

Chapter 1 

Dear T, 

It’s been 3 days since I saw you, that day we left the facility in Peru, but it’s felt so much longer since I couldn’t touch you that day. I miss the island only because I miss you. I miss getting to push that stubborn piece of hair off your face. 

My parents have checked me into Loving Hope rehabilitation. You would refer to it as conversion therapy. I’m trying to be optimistic about it. Look at it as all one big retreat. However, last time I thought I was going on retreat, look how that turned out. My parents drove me here, they weren’t risking that again. 

I wonder what you are doing. I wonder if you have heard from any of the girls. I’m supposed to be here for 3 months. They took my phone and there aren’t computers here. I have no access to the outside world, except of course my parents. 

It breaks my heart to contemplate what you are thinking about why you haven’t heard from me. 

At least I hope you are thinking of me. I am thinking about you and our time together as short as it was. 

I hope you and the Blackburns were able to get Martha home safely. 

Shelby


	2. August 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another letter Shelby wrote to Toni and mailed upon her release from Loving Hope.

Dear T, 

It’s day 15 of 90 here at good old Loving Hope. I think I may be cured of my love for ice breakers and activities. I have done so many in the last 15 days. Sometimes I smile to myself thinking about how you would react to the different things we are forced to do. 

Yesterday was the quintessential trust fall. With these people I have known for 2 weeks. It’s funny how 2 weeks on the island felt so much longer. I think about how strong my feelings were for you after such a short time. 

Sometimes I have conversations with you in my head. Tell myself how you would react to a certain situation. I’m sure your first reaction to me being here is:”Fucking awesome, they sent my girlfriend to live with a bunch of lesbians for 3 months, thanks for that.” Girlfriend. Am I allowed to call myself that? I’d like to hope I can? 

And don’t worry about any of the girls here, I promise. No one has swag like you. 

They aren’t bad though, it’s kind of nice to have friends that come from families like mine and have the same struggles I do. 

I will say though, if it weren’t for you, I’d be more likely to buy into what they are selling here. 

It’s Virgo season, almost my birthday. I can’t believe I have to turn 18 in here. 

Your (hopefully) girlfriend Shelby


	3. September 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The third letter in the bundle Shelby sent Toni upon her release from rehab.

Dear T,  
It’s finally my birthday. I’m legal! I’m sure you would have us sneaking off to Canada to get me a legal drink with that fake ID I’m sure you have.  
I wish I could be hanging with you and all the girls for my birthday  
The girls in here aren’t bad. However, pre-island Shelby would have been terrified of them. Just like I was terrified of you.  
My roommate’s name is Anna. You would like her; she plays softball and doesn’t wear cargo shorts. She doesn’t buy into all of Loving Hope’s crap. We talk a lot about God here but not a lot about Jesus. Anna says that’s because Jesus didn’t judge and that doesn’t fit Loving Hope’s MO.  
I know what you are thinking and nah, she’s got something going on with one of the other girls here.  
Remember that conversation we had after our first night together? I wanted to tell you that I trust you too.  
I am sure there is plenty of notoriety, with Leah’s book deal and the trials. Isn’t ironic that the one of us who has been trained to deal with the media is stashed away here at Loving Hope.  
Please don’t push over any interview chairs or storm off any stages.  
Shel


	4. September 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fourth letter in the bundle, written one month after her entrance to Loving Hope Rehabilitation.

Hey T,  
It’s official, I have been at Loving Hope for a month. My hair is growing back so awkwardly, I am kind of glad you can’t see me. I’m sure you wouldn’t hold back from telling me what it looks like. Maybe that’s the silver lining of me being in here and not being on the media tour y’all are on. 

I wanted to be the one to show you fancy hotels. 

Or maybe you aren’t. Maybe you are in Minnesota caring for Martha. I pray for her everyday. I know that doesn't mean much to you, but I pray for you too. 

What's fall like in Minnesota? 

It's still hot here but that's Texas for you. We get to go outside once a day, its when they encourage mingling with the boys. I'm sure you are thinking: "Of course they fucking do." Thinking of your reactions is the one thing that keeps me connected to you. 

I hope you are back in school. Are you going to football games? I want to meet your friends, wouldn't it be great to just spend a normal Friday night together. Would you introduce me? I have a feeling they probably wouldn't like me much. You sure didn't at the beginning. 

We are doing “school” here so we don’t get behind. It’s biblically based of course, but it’s a nice break from my head.

You are the good part of what’s in my head. I’m trying to hold onto that and hold onto you.   
I hope I’m in your head too? 

I wish I had some way to tell you that you are in my head. 

Please don't move on, please hold on to us.   
Shelby


	5. September 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Letter 5 from Loving Hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the great feedback! Y'all are the best! I loved this show and I couldn't get Toni and Shelby out of my head. This is fun to write!

Dear T,   
It’s so weird to not know where you are or what you are doing. It’s been over a month, are you still at Martha’s? How is she doing? I really hope there has been a miracle and she’s awake. After knowing each other’s every move, its so strange to have no idea what is happening in y’alls lives.   
It’s also weird to write letters knowing that I can’t send them. Anna thinks its silly, old fashioned and hetero that I write you love letters I can’t send. Are they love letters, I don’t know. I just know that my feelings for you get stronger every day in here. Which I know sounds crazy.   
I can’t help wondering about what you are thinking. Have you tried to reach out to me? Do you know where I am and that I can’t contact you. I hope you know in your heart that I would contact you if I could and that since I am not, there has to be a reason. It scares me to think that you may be hurting and angry thinking I got home and forgot all about you. That couldn’t be further from the truth.   
I hold onto memories of you as my lifelines to who I was becoming with you, who I became on the island. Being in this environment where they try to get me to question and go against my every urge and desire, it’s the only thing keeping me going.   
I talk about you all the time to my friends here. The ones I can trust. Trust has been hard since the whole island experience. How are the trials going?   
It is so frustrating being cut off from everything. And I’m only a third of the way done.   
Shel


	6. October 1

Hey T,   
Time moves so slowly in here, it’s like it isn’t moving at all. I thought the island was bad. However, there was a cute girl on the island, made it a little easier, especially after she stopped hating me.   
I had a dream about you last night. If I were you, I would tell you all the details but I am me. Let’s just say I may have woken up with a smile on my face. 

A new girl came in today. Her name is Libby and she reminds me of me when I stepped foot on that plane. No wonder you hated me. She is the only one here who came voluntarily. She looked it up and brought the idea to her parents. Who does that? 

I just want to shake her. Then I have to remember myself that if it weren't for you or for the girls or for the island, I would still be her. 

I think about what happens when I leave. I don't think I can go back and be that Shelby again. Anna is doing this to appease her parents, suck it up for a few more months, get offered a softball scholarship, come out and let her parents do what they will with that. 

I try to think of ways that I could take care of myself if I needed to. 

For all my activities, I really don't have marketable skills. 

Maybe I teach survival skills? Become a pageant coach? Do they have pageants in Minnesota? 

Before the island, college was my plan, I just don't know if that's what I want now. 

The only thing I know for sure Toni, is that you are in my head and in my heart. 

I hope you haven't found someone else, but if you have, could I really blame you?? 

All my heart,   
Shelby


	7. October 10

October 10 

Hey T, 

2 months down, 1 to go. It’s been a rough week at Loving Hope. Anna “graduated.” Which means I’m sure I’ll be getting a new roommate soon. 

I try to connect with the other people here and I find it so hard. I want them to see that there is a world beyond their parents and their parents beliefs. And none of us should have to struggle this badly and hurt this much for something that is supposedly a choice. 

I dream about leaving here and hitchhiking to Minnesota. If that’s even where you are. Maybe you moved in with Fatin In LA. Do people still hitchhike? 

I want to go on a date with you. A perfectly ordinary date. Where would we go? Would you take me to the OG for a never ending pasta bowl? I want to hold your hand and walk down the street. I would love to see you dressed up. Not that you looked too bad in basketball shorts. We get taught all these strategies here about combatting umpire thoughts;however, no strategy in the world could combat what I think about when I think about you in a sports bra and those basketball shorts. 

What have you done to me? 

Maybe I do go to college, with you. We could get a small off campus apartment in a little college town. Waking up next to you in an actual bed and not on a beach, 

Do you think a beach vacation will ever look the same to us? I don’t know, as much bad things that happened to us on that beach it also brought me you, and it brought me freedom. It was like waking up to realize that’s my life. 

Hopefully yours,   
Shelby


	8. October 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shelby gets her first contact with the outside world and it is shocking.

October 21  
Dear Toni,   
Today was.. well it was a day. Apparently, one of the perks of doing well here and being in the last 90 days is having visitors.   
Seeing my mom was a roller coaster of emotions and I am still trying to process everything she told me. I feel like everything changed today. My whole outlook. I know you think I am being dramatic, but I’m not. I finally have hope that maybe I can have my mother in my life and be me at the same time. I have never felt that way before.   
What changed you ask?  
Well, my parents are getting a divorce. My father was caught up in a sex scandal with a younger member of our church, only a few years older than me. Before the island, before Loving Hope, I wouldn’t have believed it and it would have devastated me.   
Granted, I still need to process, but the real change was how the whole thing has transformed my mom. I noticed it as soon as I walked into the meeting room for our visit. She was smiling, really smiling. It dawned on me that it may have been the very first time I had ever seen my mom genuinely happy. She was dressed differently too, it was like her clothes were looser, everything about her seemed lighter. I didn’t realize why until after she told me why my father wasn’t with her.   
As epic as that news was, it wasn’t the part that was the most emotional.  
What she said next made me catch my breath, it was as if the earth beneath my feet started shaking. And its what gave me real hope. She was filling me in on the trials, and what was happening with y’all. She told me how nice all the girls were and then she said and I quote, “especially Toni, I could tell she really cares a lot about you, I think you found a good one.” And of course the staff came in to tell her she needed to leave right then but that’s just as well, I don’t think I could’ve even asked what she meant.   
You told me you were good with parents, but I didn’t think your charms would work on my mom. I could kiss you, well I mean, I could do a whole lot more than that.   
Always,   
Shelby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank y'all for all the sweet comments. I'm having so much fun. And yes I am planning on continuing the story after letters. Almost there...


	9. October 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shelby reflects on the end of her time in Loving Hope

Hey T,   
It’s almost Halloween and most importantly I have less than 2 weeks until I can break out of here.  
My mom told me that Martha has been making some progress, God is so good.   
That’s one of the things I have been trying to come to terms with on my own. How to still be a Christian and be gay at the same time. Obviously, no one here is any help in how that dichotomy works.   
I am supposed to get a new roommate tomorrow, which surprisingly I am not looking forward to. I used to hate being alone and would have loved to have someone else in the room but I am getting more and more content spending time with myself.   
What are you being for Halloween? Something sexy?   
I wish I could be your date to whatever Halloween party I’m sure you are going to. Or maybe we stay home and give out candy. I know it sounds so corny (like candy corn) but I spend a lot of time thinking about all the average everyday things we could do together.   
I also spend a lot of time thinking about what you are doing at any given point, its what helps me stay connected to you. Sometimes I can’t help but think about who might be doing it with you. Like its 5 o’clock at night, are you having dinner, who is at the table with you? Are you texting someone and smiling?   
The closer I get to leaving here, the more nervous I get about seeing you again. It will officially been longer since I saw you than the time we had together. Am I crazy to expect or even wish that you are still holding onto that good thing we started?   
Our story started in such an insane, incredible way that I really hope we can continue the story and make the ordinary extraordinary together.   
Shelby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank guys! One more letter... then we will see what happens.


	10. November 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shelby's last letter from Loving Hope

November 9   
Hey T,   
This is it, I’m finally getting out of Loving Hope tomorrow. I have a plan, I’m bundling all these letters and sending them overnight mail. I wasn’t going to. Still not sure if its smart. I probably look pathetic, holding onto you like this. But as you would say, I have to shoot my shot.   
So, this is my shot, sending you all my ramblings and letting you into my head, since you are already in my heart and you have been since the day on the island. You saw me even before I saw myself. You knew the expectations of my dad, and who I thought I needed to be were crushing me.   
I’m really hoping this doesn’t backfire and you don’t read these letters and laugh about how pathetic I am with your friends, or even worse your girlfriend.   
I am going to include my number, hopefully, if you’ve held onto us I will hear from you soon.   
Even if not, we will always have the Lychee tree.  
Shelby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank for all the great comments. Can't wait to see what happens ;)


	11. Toni: November 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A glimpse into what Toni has been up to

November 10th  
Toni was walking across the beach holding Shelby’s hand, smiling to herself as Shelby talked about something. It was so funny to her that when they first got to the beach, she couldn’t stand the sound of Shelby’s voice, now it always brought a smile to her face.

  
BEEP BEEP BEEP

  
“Fuck” Toni said under her breath as slowly sat up in bed. That had been a nice dream. Unfortunately, her dreams were the only time she heard Shelby’s voice anymore. Her crazy Bible beating father had sent her to fucking conversion therapy. She had envisioned more than once of charging down to Texas and breaking Shelby out of there, “But I’m a Cheerleader Style.”

  
Toni never did though because she had no idea what was happening in Shelby’s head. She knew she struggled so much with her feelings and her attractions to girls. Toni did not want to do anything to make that struggle harder. Or even worst go down there and have the conversion therapy bullshit have worked and those fuckers “prayed the gay away.”

  
Toni wiped the sleep away from her eyes as she slowly stretched, she was so tempted to curl back up in the warm bed and go back to dreaming of Shelby. Just a few minutes wouldn’t really hurt.

  
Knock Knock

  
“Bitch, you moving? We gotta get this run in.” Toni’s friend Jayna hollered as she pushed the door in.

  
“Bro, what was the point in even knocking if you were just coming in anyway. “ Toni yawned, stretched and swung her legs out of the bed.

  
“You’re lucky I speak sleepy Toni cause I’m pretty sure that’s not English. 15 downstairs,” Jayna yelled behind her as she trotted out of Toni’s room.

  
  
“Door?” Toni yelled after her as Jayna left her door wide open, forcing her to actually get up and out of bed. Toni had moved out of the Blackburns and into this queer teen group home pretty soon after getting back from the media tour after the bunker. Part of her hated being back in the system but it honestly wasn’t that bad, even though she would never admit that to anyone. There were no skeevy foster dads staring at her a little too long and the rules weren’t so restrictive that she felt like she was in jail like she had in other foster homes. The main reason she moved in was that if she was in the system on her 18th birthday, she got money for college.

Before the island, she had just assumed college wasn’t in the cards and that she would just find some factory job or some other shitty minimum wage job after graduation, if she even graduated. The island, well more specifically Shelby, made her want to be better, to actually allow herself to dream about something better. She had gotten basketball back too, which she hadn’t admitted to anyone how much she had missed the competitive outlet. She had been offered a spot on the team of a prep school not too far from the group home, and she was within walking distance of the Blackburns so she could visit Marti whenever she wanted. She was doing so much better than when they first came back, she still couldn’t use her legs but she was conscious and even doing some home school work. Spending time with Fatin and Leah had gotten her used to the 1 percenters that were now her classmates.

  
November 10th, wasn’t Shelby supposed to get out soon? Was she already out? Would she contact Toni? Toni had already decided to let her make the first move because she had no idea where her head was after her sentence at bible prison camp. Whenever Toni thought about Shelby she usually messaged the girls, they were her only link to Shel. Toni grabbed her phone sent a quick morning selfie to the group chat.

Fatin sent a pic back of the back of some dude obviously asleep in her bed. Man, Fatin had absolutely not been exaggerating her um “appetite.” Thinking about sex made Toni think about the last person she had had sex with, that beautiful blonde Texan. Not that she hadn’t had ample opportunity, but she just couldn’t do that to Shelby, at least not until she was able to have a real conversation with her and figured what they were to each other, if anything. Not that she had been an angel, but she had rules. Making out and 1st base only, and the girl had to be straight, or at least think she was. She figured then that they were using her as much as she was using them, as a distraction. She knew those rules probably wouldn’t matter to Shel, she was an all or nothing kind of girl. Toni didn’t really have any excuse and as much as she was looking forward to seeing and talking to Shelby, she was dreading that particular conversation. She could already see the disappointment on her face.

  
Toni couldn’t worry about that, she had her first game tonight and she needed to make a good impression. She was already on thin ice with Coach because of a stupid mistake. She had been at a party and hadn’t realized someone grabbed a picture of her with a J in her hand, or as Coach said, “ something that could be mistaken for a joint of marijuana but surely was not.” The phrase “joint of marijuana” still made her laugh. She knew she needed to reign it and not blow this golden opportunity she had been handed. The old Toni wouldn’t give a shit about that and honestly probably would have cussed the coach out and gotten herself kicked off the team. Instead, she sat in the office, apologized and recognized the coach was giving her a free pass but she was sure it was the only one. The parties at her new school were epic, but she had learned her lesson, there were always going to be eyes and more importantly, cameras on her.

Time to block the world out and get that run in.

  
There was something magical about that moment before her name was announced and she run off the bench before a game. It was full of all the possibilities of the game ahead. She closed in her eyes and let the energy in the gym wash over her. Damn she had missed this feeling. Rachel had been right, how stupid she had been to throw all this away. This time around was going to be different; she had already noticed a change in the way she practiced.

She used to hate practice, she was already the star, she just hadn’t seen the point to put her all in during practice. Here at Woolbridge Academy, she had something to prove to the new team, the new teammates, but more importantly, to herself. That she could do this, that she could succeed at something and make something of herself.

The experience on the island, losing Nora, Rachel losing her hand and what had happened to Martha made her feel like shit for not taking advantage of the opportunities she did have. Sure, she was not as talented as Fatin or have the money she had, but she had skills and if she kept her temper under control and her head on straight, she could work that to her advantage.

  
“Tone, ya have a visitor.”

  
The voice jolted her awake, she had been staring at the same page of her history textbook for at least a half hour. She had barely made it through school and practice. Last night had been fucking amazing. She had a solid game and they had won handily. She had been working on defense in practice, before she had always relied on the splashiness of offense. Coach had challenged her before last night’s game to get at least 5 rebounds and 2 steals. For once, she had exceeded expectations and got 8 rebounds and 4 steals.

Who was here to see her?

  
Toni got up from her desk and jogged down the stairs and saw Mrs. Blackburn’s beautiful black braid down her back.

“Mama B!” Toni bounded the rest of the stairs and hugged Marti’s mom. Immediately her heart skipped a beat, was something wrong?

  
“Whatcha doing here on a weekday? Is Marti okay?”

  
“Yes honey, she’s fine, you got a certified package and I thought you would want it right away.” As Mrs. Blackburn handed her the package, Toni’s eyes went to the return address.

  
Texas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the awesome feedback!


	12. Toni: November 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toni settles into her room to read through Shelby's letters.

November 11 

Toni shut the door behind her. If this was from who she thought it was she wanted to be alone, her history homework was just going to have to wait. She hopped on her bed and took a few deep breaths as she held the package in her hand. She braced herself for whatever it contained. 

She pulled out a bundle of letters all tied with a pink bow. Of course they fucking were. Shelby must be out, how else would she have been able to send them. Her heart skipped a couple beats and she had to steady herself. Was this a multi letter break up or something else. Toni laughed to herself as she thought, leave it to Shelby to not just send a text or an Insta DM, she sent old school letters. 

Reading through the letters, Toni was right back to the island, especially the moments she was able to share with Shelby. She knew if anyone walked in right now, she would look absolutely crazy, smiling to herself, sniffing the paper because it somehow smelled like Shelby, and just staring at them, finally glad to have some message from her. 

Her teammates had started joking the Toni had a made-up girl so she didn’t have to deal with the real girls always trying to talk to her. It had been so long without any contact that a part of Toni’s brain had started to wonder if she had in fact made Shelby up. Now she had proof that she didn’t, that there was a beautiful, sweet, stubborn girl in Texas that just poured her soul into these letters. For Toni. No one had ever made themselves that vulnerable for her before. Her heart broke reading Shelby’s uncertainty and fear about what Toni was doing and thinking. It mirrored Toni’s own fear that Loving Hope’s conversion bullshit had worked. 

Toni rolled her eyes when Shelby contemplated whether she was Toni’s girlfriend, “of course you are babe,” Toni whispered to the letter. She thought back to the island, to that moment on the cliff. This, this was the something good she had clung to the last three months. 

Shit, it was her birthday, Toni thought to herself, surprised that she felt like she knew Shelby so intimately from their shared traumatic experience but in reality she didn’t know the most mundane everyday things about her. 

Did she drink coffee? How did she take it? What faces did she make when she was doing homework. Was she a social media scroller or could she not be bothered? She looked forward to finding that all out and more. 

Toni loved that Shelby pictured her reaction to things as a way to stay connected to her. Surprisingly, she was pretty spot, proving what she already knew, their time together had been short but intense. She melted thinking about Shelby holding onto them, just as strongly as she had. Toni had no idea how this would work, her life was here, and for once, she was happy with the life she was working toward. And Marti. Marti was here and as much as she was excited to see where things went with Shelby she would never leave Marti, she couldn’t. Marti and the Blackburns had been the only ones not to give up on her. 

Shelby had really put it all on the line in her last letter. The ball was in her court, luckily that was something she was comfortable. She reached for her phone. How could she respond to all of that, to 3 months of feelings and longings? How could anything she said measure up to all this girl had laid bare?   
Toni took a deep breath and dialed the phone, not sure if she was ready for her to actually answer or not. Why was she nervous? 

She reminded herself of all that they had been through. If we held onto each other through all of that we could figure out a way forward. At least she hoped so. What if Shelby was holding onto the idea of her and not the actual messy reality?

Toni knew she still had a ton of demons and was a work in progress, she had bailed on the therapy set up after the bunker only 2 weeks in because having some middle age white dude point out her flaws or ask her to “tell me more about that” was not her idea of a good time.  
She was a mess, did Shelby have room for a mess in her life, she thought back to the Shelby she had first met on that plane, the bubbly picture of perfection. She shook her head, nah that wasn’t Shelby, she thought about the girl she held as she fell asleep those last crazy nights on the island, after they had told all the other girls about them.

The ball was in her court and Toni did what came naturally, when the ball came to her she wasn’t afraid to shoot her shot. 

She dialed the phone. 

“Hello” Shelby drawled into the phone on the 2nd ring. 

At the sound of her voice Toni felt an ache in the pit of her stomach. She physically needed to see her, immediately, and just touch her hand something tangible. She gripped the letters in her other hand. 

“Hey, I’m looking for my girlfriend, she’s pretty hot, and kind of stubborn. Any ideas where I might find her?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are so sweet. Sorry about the spacing of last chapter, I posted it when I was sleepy and I tried to go back in and fix it and it wouldn;t let me. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy and so close to the reunion. 
> 
> I am having so much fun writing this.


	13. The airport

Toni: November 20

  
“How do I look” She held her phone out to show her whole outfit to Fatin, Dottie, and Dottie’s boyfriend Mateo on Facetime.

  
“Like a Grade A carpet muncher.” Fatin deadpanned as Dottie made an obscene gesture in the background with her tongue and two fingers.

  
“Great, exactly what I was going for, ya know always sticking to my brand.” Toni said and stuck her tongue out. 

  
“I think you look nice Toni.” Mateo chimed in. 

  
“Thanks bro. Have you guys checked in with Shelby? Did her plane take off?” Toni asked as she grabbed her bag and the keys to the beater they shared at the house. Selfishly she wished she was able to pick up Shelby from the airport in a nicer car. 

  
“I think so, but Rach and Leah are on Shelby duty, obvi we drew the short straw.” Fatin joked.

  
“Fuck off Fatin.” 

  
It was so ironic that Toni was the only one that gone back to a life that looked anything like the one they had before the island.  
Dottie and Mateo had moved to LA and lived with Fatin. Fatin was picking up where she left off on the cello virtuoso shit and Dottie was working at a bar running their sound boards. They had both said fuck it to school. Toni had been so tempted to join them, and if it wasn’t for Marti and the Blackburns she would have. The family she was born into may have been shit but the one she chose for herself was pretty solid. 

  
Leah was busy writing her book about the island, the bunker and of course the cover up. She went from fucking an author to being one. Leah’s absentee parents had been totally cool with her moving to New York to be closer to her publisher, so she was living with Rach. Rachel’s parents were “home schooling” the two of them, but from what Toni could gather that consisted of Leah writing and Rachel working out. 

  
Shelby was the only one who was alone. Toni had a plan to fix that though. Woodbridge had a boarding program and she was all prepped to sell Shelby on it this weekend. Her mom was letting her visit before settling back into the school routine but Toni really hoped that school routine could be up here. The last week of late-night facetime marathons, constant pics and texting had been brutal. She had never done long distance, she would give it a try for Shelby if she had to, but was crossing her fingers that Shelby would want to be closer to her and Martha. What they had all been through on the island was theirs and was so strange that as much as others tried to understand, they just couldn’t. They didn’t understand that even though it had all been fabricated their fear had been real. And no one could fathom why they might miss it or at least aspects of it. 

  
“Alright losers, I’m heading to the airport to get my girl, wish me luck that this isn’t awkward as hell.” 

  
“Word of advice from personal experience? Don’t bang in the airport bathrooms, they are cringy.” Fatin squirmed at an obviously disturbing memory.

  
“Ew. Thanks for that mental imagery.” Toni threw deuces to the camera and hung up. She took a deep breath and grabbed the bouquet she had bought at the grocery store. Here’s to hoping.

  
Shelby: November 20:

  
“Ugh I should have bought a wig y’all, my hair is just not doing what I need it to do.” Shelby says as she was fixing her hair in the camera. She was waiting at her gate. Her leg twitching at the thought of getting on a plane again. Rach and Leah had been reminding her that they weren’t actually in a plane crash, it was all fake. Her brain knew they were right but her body remembered the shaking, the fear, and kneeling on the floor praying. 

  
“I think it looks cute in that little pixie cut. And more importantly your tits look killer in that shirt, That’s what Toni will really care about.” Leah teased. 

  
“Hush it. What if I’m not like she remembered. What if I’ve changed and she doesn’t like the new me?” Shelby fretted.

She still could not believe that her mother had agreed to this last-minute trip, she must have felt really guilty about everything that had happened. Shelby was obviously excited to see Toni but she was also excited to see Martha. It had not escaped her that everyone else had someone with them. Dorothy and her had never been friends in school but she had felt a twinge of pain when her mom had informed her that she had moved out to California with Fatin. Shelby knew it was selfish to wish she had stayed, she really couldn’t blame her though. 

  
“We’ve all changed, we’re all fucked up. But we are fucked up together. Plus you saw each other at your worst, everything else is cake.” Rach said. 

  
Shelby knew she was right. She remembered how much Toni’s anger and outbursts had scared her in the beginning. Neither of them were perfect but maybe something good could have come out of this whole insane experience. They had begun referring their relationship as “something good,” to constantly remind themselves that was something worth holding onto. 

  
She used the thought of seeing Toni to propel her get out of her seat when her boarding group was called, propel her forward to find her seat, and to keep breathing as the plane took off. Shelby said a silent prayer as she turned her phone on airplane mood, settled into her seat and blasted the playlist Toni had made her for the flight. It had been the perfect gesture and it helped toward Shelby’s goal of getting to know Toni off the island. It was such a weird feeling to feel so intimately connected to someone but she had never seen her room. At least she was learning what was in Toni’s ears as she went through her day, and what songs pumped her up before she played. 

  
Shelby was really looking forward to going to Toni’s game tomorrow. Not that she know a thing about basketball, she was from football country after all. She heard her the passion and saw her face light up when Toni had talked to her about games and even practice the last few weeks. Talking to her on Facetime had been different than their conversations on the island, Shelby had found herself just staring at Toni’s face trying to memorize every inch. 

  
The flight flew by as Shelby lost herself in the music, she enjoyed way more of it than she thought she would. The pilot’s voice announcing their initial descent brought her back to reality. As the plane landed, she said another prayer for extra protection. She had been grateful that it was a completely smooth flight, she didn’t think her nerves would have been able to handle any turbulence.

  
This was it, she was really doing this. 

  
As soon Shelby passed through the “No re-entry doors,” she saw her and had to catch her breath. She smiled to herself because she couldn’t help but notice how adorably nervous Toni looked standing there is a button down and holding flowers. Shelby felt the smile that spread across Toni’s face as she first saw her deep inside her. 

  
Here goes nothing. 


	14. Something Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toni and Shelby finally get to see each other since being separated at the bunker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Season 1 left us with a ton of cliffhangers. The three biggest for me being, where is Nora, where is Martha, and what is the status of Toni and Shelby. 
> 
> My assumptions going in:  
> 1\. Nora didn't make it off the island  
> 2\. Martha did, but in a coma.   
> 3\. Shelby did have a mental break but it was also because she was starting to see the whole thing. The investigators at the point were not admitting to having watched their every move. So the only way they would have thought she was asking for Toni was based on things they had said. And Shelby asked for Leah because she was the one who had figured it all out.   
> 4\. This is a fluffy fanfic and for that purposes Toni and Shelby still have feelings for each :)

November 20 Toni

Watching Shelby walk through the doors was better than she had even imagined it would be. She couldn’t look away. All the insecurity and uncertainty of the last 3 months melted away. She was finally here. Here in the real world, her actual life. She hadn’t been a dream. She wasn’t a one off, a part of a strange event in her life. She was here.

“Hey babe.” She said as Shelby got within earshot. Then she second guessed herself , should she have not said that? There were people around. She knew Shelby was more comfortable with this whole thing than she had been in the past but didn’t know how out that meant she was comfortable being in public.

The question evaporated when she saw the light in Shelby’s eyes at that word. Her voice was like soft cotton when she said, “hey you.” Suddenly “you” was the best name Toni had ever been called. “Aww for me?” Shelby asked reaching out for the flowers.

Toni smiled mischievously and pulled them behind her back, “Nah, they are for my other girlfriend.”

Shelby stuck her tongue out and playfully went to reach behind Toni and their arms touched. That small accidental touch sent shockwaves through her. She had touched an electric fence once running from the cops and this was more of a jolt than that.

She trotted backward smiling, pretending to keep the flowers away from Shelby but really just to give herself a second to breathe. The three months apart had made the physical connection even stronger than she had imagined. She had thought that first angry kiss had been intense but if just the brush of Shelby’s arm had set off alarm bells inside her then what was going to happen when she could actually kiss her.

She didn’t have to wait long, Shelby leaned in and gave her a sweet soft peck on the lips. Toni was so shocked that she dropped the flowers on the ground. She had noticed that Shelby hadn’t even glanced around to check to see if anyone was watching.

Shelby laughed and scooped up the flowers. “Ha ha I had a feeling that would work.” She smiled looking so proud of herself.

“OH girl its on now, just wait, I’ll get you when you least expect it.” Then Toni’s voice got softer, “You look really nice by the way, your hair looks even cuter in person.” Shelby had on leggings and a shirt that fit perfectly. She looked cozy but still adorable. When Toni wore comfy clothes, she looked like a homeless person, Shelby looked like effortless perfection.

Shelby smiled softly and slipped her hand in Toni’s. Toni had never had a stable place to call home, other than the feeling that she got around the Blackburns. They were her family; they were her home. And now this hand that fit perfectly in hers. This felt like home too.

An instant panic shuddered through her, an old habit. The desire to flee. The danger warning, she was in too deep, she was falling too hard. She was going to get hurt. When something felt this good all that meant was that it could hurt that badly as well. That’s what her life had taught her, nothing was permanent. Nothing lasted, everything soured eventually. Whether she did something to fuck it up like she had with Regan or just life. Something was going to go wrong she just knew it. 

Her every reflex was telling her to take her hand back, dial it back, step back. Then she reminded herself, the worst had already happened, this was something good.

It was like Shelby could read her thoughts because she softly rubbed her thumb on the back of Toni’s hand and whispered. “Something good.”

Those two words had the ability to anchor her. To close the door on all the fears, scars, and memories that had bubbled up. The feel of Shelby’s hand made her feel something she couldn’t quite explain. It was like the invincible feeling she got on the court but it was more than that. It was a knowledge that she could take on anyone but a peace that she didn’t have to. She thought it must be what contentment felt like that. Knowing that she could have anything she wanted but being perfectly and utterly content with exactly where and most importantly, who she was with in that moment. For someone who had grown up in a constant state of lack this was a new but very welcome feeling.

“Are you hungry? I was thinking we could grab something to eat before we drove back if you wanted. I know Mama B is making a big dinner for you later but I thought we could get a little something um if you wanted.” She could feel herself rambling, ugh she was being such a girl.

“Aw that’s sweet of her. I’m actually alright, I ate a sandwich on the plane. I’m just glad to finally get to see you T. “

This girl she knew exactly what to say to make her insides flip.

Toni didn’t let go of Shelby’s hand until they got to her and only let go then in order to scoot ahead of her to open her door for her.

Toni got in the car and allowed to herself to just look at Shelby, she was fumbling with her phone and wasn’t looking at Toni and didn’t notice she was staring.

She went to turn on the car. Shelby reached out and touched her arm stopping her. Now their eyes met and Shelby didn’t have to say a word. Toni saw her own desire mirrored back in those deep green eyes.

She dropped her keys in the cup holder and turned toward her, reached out to push a short piece of hair off her face and then she began kissing her, slowly, steadily. Shelby’s lips were so soft and so warm. Shelby ran her hands through Toni’s hair and she could feel the kiss accelerating.

Toni was letting herself lose the control she had been holding onto so tightly lately. Trying so hard to maintain control over her temper, her mouth, her grades. She was finally where she could let go because as she had told Shelby on the cliff, she trusted her, with her body but also with her heart.

“Move your seat back,” Toni whispered breathlessly as she nibbled a little bit on her ear. She felt Shelby breathe in deep and she reached down and slid the passenger back. In one movement, Toni was over the console and was straddling Shelby. She leaned down and started kissing Shelby’s neck letting her hands grip her waist. “Is this okay?” She asked, knowing that if she went much further, she wasn’t going to want to stop.

Shelby responded by taking off her shirt and reaching behind her to unhook her bra. Toni’s breath caught she was stunningly beautiful.

As she leaned down and continued kissing down to Shelby’s bare chest, Shelby whispered breathlessly in Toni’s ear, “this isn’t just okay, this is something good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not sure how much longer this one is going to go, really just wanted to explore when and how Toni and Shelby would reunite after the bunker. 
> 
> Still obsessed with this ship and two ideas floating in my head. 
> 
> A sappy Christmas movie AU where they meet as young adults 
> 
> AU where the conference was actually real and what would have happened to the two of them if they spent a week being pampered in Hawaii. 
> 
> Thoughts?


	15. Player

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shelby learns a lot at Toni's basketball game.

Shelby was excited to finally get to watch Toni play basketball. It was something that she was passionate and had gotten back. Last night after she and Toni had a reunion Fatin would have been proud of, Shelby had one of the best meals of her life at Martha’s house. Getting to see Martha and how she was still herself, still happy, and positive even after all that she had gone through, made Shelby want to be someone Martha would be proud of. Going back to all the things she had used to hide herself would never work. And it wasn’t just Martha, of course there was the addition of Toni to her life as well, Toni turned something on inside of her, made her want to feel more alive.

Shelby thanked Mrs. Blackburn for dropping her off at Toni’s school for the game. It really was a beautiful school. Toni had made an offhand comment last night that there was a boarding program and jokingly asked, what if you just never left? Seeing the school, she could picture herself here, maybe this could be the new start she needed.

What did she have keeping her in Texas? Painful memories? Her mom had moved into a new house with her younger siblings while she had been at Loving Hope, she hadn’t talked to or seen her dad at all since she had gotten out. He hadn’t reached out at all. There was nothing there for her anymore. The 6 girls that were her family were not there. Two of them were in here in this tiny Minnesota town.

Sitting on that couch last night it was if they were back on the beach, just without the sunburn and bug bites. She felt at home. When they were fighting to survive on that beach, who would have imagined she would be here with these two girls who had become 2 of the most important people in her life doing something as mundane as watching a movie on Netflix and sipping Hot Chocolate.

Could she really just stay, and be able to hold Toni’s hand whenever she wanted. Get to hang out with Martha all the time. She was all alone in Texas, all of the other girls were with someone else who understood. She hadn’t realized until last night that she needed that too.

The wind blew and Shelby pulled her light jacket tighter as she shivered, if she was going to do this, she was going to need to invest in a warmer coat. She dialed her mom as she followed the sign to the school office instead of the gym.

Shelby could hear the noise of the crowd before she got to the gym, she needed to hurry, she hoped she hadn’t missed kickoff. Is that what they called it? She slid into the gym in time for the announcer to shout Number 3 TONI SHALIFOE and she Toni get off the bench high fiving her teammates. Seeing her there in her natural habitat, it was like being transported back to that plane the first day, her hair was even in the same braids. That cocky angry girl with all the swag. Was this really the same girl who had met her at the airport with flowers, who had been so sweet and gentle with her all weekend? Yes, and it was her favorite part about Toni, that passion and fire coexisted with a sweetness. After their first night together under the Lychee trees that side had scared her, that it hadn’t meant anything to her, but now Shelby had learned that she only showed that side to those she trusted.

When they were fighting to survive on that beach, who would have imagined she would be here with these two girls who had become 2 of the most important people in her life watching a movie.

Could she really just stay, and be able to hold Toni’s hand whenever she wanted. Get to hang out with Martha all the time. She had felt so disconnected from all the girls when she was in Loving Hope but it was amazing how fast that all dissipated. Sitting on that couch last night it was if they were back on the beach, just without the sunburn and bug bites. She felt at home.

Shelby settled into a spot on the bleachers and flipped through the brochures she had picked up in the office. Two pretty girls sat down right next to her. Shelby turned her attention back to the game just in time to watch Toni steal the ball and run down the court making a basket. The crowd went crazy and Toni’s eyes met hers and she smiled. So she had seen her come in. Shelby was trying to contain the blush she could feel spreading across her cheeks.

“Oh my God she just looked at me, did you see that? She’s such a player on and off the court. Did I tell you I hooked up with her a few weeks ago?” The girl next to her revealed to her friend.

Shelby couldn’t get her breath. No, no, she must have been talking about someone else. Yeah, that was it. Shelby closed her eyes, trying to calm down.

“No shit? Toni? And?” The girl’s friend responded, clearly shocked.

“Yes Toni, and it was as hot as you’d think it would be but then nothing, no contact after. I was hoping maybe at tonight’s party there would be a repeat performance.”

Shelby felt the color drain from her cheeks at the sound of Toni’s name. Instantly, images of Toni and the girl next to her flooded her head. Did she do things to this girl that she did with Shelby? She had been pretty smooth moving over the center console in the car, she must have had a lot of practice. She was such an idiot, here she was willing to uproot her entire life for someone who was hooking up with girls left and right. Was that all this had been? A long-distance booty call?

The air in the gym was suddenly stifling. Shelby grabbed her bag, leaving the stupid brochures on the bleachers and ran toward the door of the gym.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments! 
> 
> And I did start playing with a Christmas AU. Check out the first chapter of Christmas in Hopewell!


	16. Girls suck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toni realizes Shelby left the game early.

When Toni was playing basketball, she let the whole rest of the world disappear, it is what attracted her to the game in the beginning. No matter what was happening at home, whether her mom was clean or not, whether she was wat home or at a foster home, she always had a basketball. It also didn’t hurt that she was good at it, no one really expected much from her but people started recognizing her talent, It had felt good for people to finally think something more about her than that poor Shalifoe girl. Of course, she had fucked that up like she fucked everything up. She was determined that it was going to be different this time around.

This was only her second game with this team and she wanted to prove that she was not the player she used to be. When she had first gotten to Woodbridge Academy all of her teammates had heard about the incident that had gotten her kicked off Hopewell High’s team. She had worked really hard in practice to prove to them that she was different and was committed to the team. She might still lead the team in technical fouls (no one changes that fast) but she also was 2nd in assists. The island had taught her teamwork in a way all her years in a team sport hadn’t been able to. She knew without a doubt that she was a better teammate now than she had been before the plane crash. 

Toni had seen Shelby at the beginning of the game but every time she looked up after that, she didn’t see her. Maybe she had switched seats or something. She couldn’t think about, she was sure everything was alright.

At half time and Toni still didn’t see her she started to get worried. The team had a strict no phone policy during games but rules were made to be broken right? Toni snuck her phone into the bathroom. She texted first, “Hey enjoying the game? Where are you sitting?” No answer. She had to go get back out on the court. It was risky, but she tried calling. Straight to voicemail. Maybe she just didn’t have reception in the gym. 

Toni scanned the stand as the team ran back out for warmups, trying to find that cute little blonde pixie cut and those deep green eyes. Nothing. Damn what could have possibly happened. The old Toni would have run off the court and found Shelby but Toni couldn’t let her teammates down like that. They only had 2 possession lead. Toni took a deep breath and focused on the game, she was sure there was a reasonable explanation for why Shelby wasn’t there.

Every time out and rest break, Toni couldn’t stop herself from scanning the crowd. Still no Shelby. What was going on? She didn’t let herself focus on it, she had a decent game, a double-double in points and rebounds. She spent the last 5 minutes of the game on the bench because they had a sizable enough lead that coach was letting some of the younger players get some in game action. She had really bene looking forward to Shelby watching her do something she loved but something had pulled her away it seemed. What could possibly have been so urgent and important? Toni could feel the familiar hurt and bitterness rise in her stomach and at the back of her throat. People were always letting her down. She stopped herself, she didn’t know anything yet. Hadn’t her whole experience with Shelby taught her not to jump to conclusions about the Texas pageant queen.

After the game Toni couldn’t get to her phone fast enough. She had a message from Shelby. “I’m at the Blackburns.” What the fuck?!? Had watching her play been that boring? Toni knew Shelby wasn’t into sports but she had thought she could at least sit through a 2 hour game to watch her play. The hurt Toni felt surprised her and she had been so wound up from the game and the win she couldn’t hold it in. Why did everyone in her life disappoint her. Toni slammed her locker shut harder and louder than necessary. “Woah Tone, you okay?” inquired her teammate Carla.

“Girls suck.” Toni said as she went to shower.

Toni was done trying to come up with excuses for why Shelby left. If she hadn’t wanted to come why hadn’t she just said that? Why had she acted like she was excited to see her play? Last night after the movie, Shelby had walked Toni to her car. They had leaned up against the hood just watching the stars, they didn’t even have to talk. That was one of the things that had changed about Shelby, that she didn’t feel the need to constantly fill the silence when she was with Toni. She thought back to the plane and the girl that constantly had a plan or an activity to fill any free time. Toni took pride in the fact that Shelby was comfortable enough with her to just be. 

Then they had a goodnight kiss that had been Toni’s favorite kiss yet. It had been passionate sure, but comfortable and routine, like a kiss where you knew you would be doing this very thing every day for a very long time. The kiss had gotten Toni thinking about the future, she never did that. Growing up the way she had, she was always too worried about surviving the day to day to worry about the future. Shelby was starting to change that, or at least she thought she was. What in the hell had changed since last night?

Toni was steaming as she waited outside for Jayna to come pick her up in the house car, she had been planning to go back to the Blackburns with Shelby but now she just wanted to go home. She hadn’t responded to Shelby’s text and Shelby hadn’t said anything else. She honestly didn’t know what to say to her, she was hurt that she would just leave with no explanation.

“Hey Tone, you headed to the party? Want a ride?” Carla yelled heading to her truck.

Toni had not been planning on going but maybe a drink and some music was exactly what she needed.

“Why the hell not, thanks bruh.” Toni said as she trotted after Carla to her truck. 


	17. Savior

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toni needs rescuing, can Shelby help her?

Shelby had expected Toni to come to the Blackburn's after the game, or at least expected her to respond to her text. She didn’t know exactly what she had expected, but she did not expect complete radio silence. Shelby was painting Martha’s toenails and listening to music in her room. It felt like that had been friends their whole lives. It was so nice to just be doing normal teenage things in a house with indoor plumbing and heat with Martha and not on a beach just trying to survive.

“Girls, have either of you heard from Toni?” Mrs. Blackburn asked nervously as she came into the room, holding the house phone in her hand.

“No mom, what’s up?” Martha asked as she checked her phone just to be sure.

“Well, that was the house mom from the group home. They haven’t heard from Toni either. Jayna went to pick Toni up after her game and she wasn’t at the school or answering her phone. She has an hour until check in. If she doesn’t check in she could lose her place in the house and have to get a different placement.” Mrs. Blackburn explained.

Oh honey what have you done, Shelby thought to herself. Where was Toni? She tried calling, straight to voicemail twice in a row. Shelby could feel the fear rising up in her stomach that something bad at happened. Toni had said that day on the cliff that the worst had already happened, but she had been wrong. They had both survived, together, and had made it to the other side. The worst would be if she lost Toni now over some stupid girl that Toni may or may not have slept with while Shelby was locked away. She was hurt but knew she didn’t know the whole story and they had not even had the ability to define their relationship before Shelby had been carted off by her parents.

“I’m cool with a couple of Toni’s friends from school, they come over here with her sometimes, so I am sending a group text trying to see if anyone is with her. They usually have parties after games if it’s a weekend, Toni usually doesn’t go or stay long but I am trying to see if she ended up at one and may be lost track of time. “Martha said as she typed away on her phone.

Lost track of time. There were two things that Shelby could think of that might make Toni lose track of time at a party, alcohol or a girl. Her money was on a girl because Shelby knew Toni drank a bit but was cautious around alcohol and drugs because of her family history. Stop it Shelby, you jumping to conclusions is what contributed to this mess. She scolded herself. She grabbed the cross around her neck and said a quick prayer that wherever Toni was, she was okay, she could not lose her.

“I found her. She’s at a party, a town over. Mom can you drive Shelby over there? She’s um… apparently she’s pretty drunk…” Martha said looking down at her hands.

Shelby sighed as she pulled her boots back on her feet and grabbed her jacket. There was no time to waste if she was going to have to talk a drunk Toni out of the party and into the car in time to check in.

“Toni’s friend Carla is going to meet you outside of the party. Good luck.” Martha called and Shelby and Mrs. Blackburn hurried out of the house.

Shelby shivered as they got into Mrs. Blackburn’s truck. “I’m sorry sweetie, the heat in here is hit or miss.” Mrs. Blackburn explained. What she had said barely registered in Shelby’s brain. All she could think about was getting to the party and making sure Toni was okay. She had been so stupid to just leave like that. She should have watched the game and talked to Toni about what she had heard. 

It took about 15 minutes to get to a house where there was very obviously a party going on. Just as Shelby was getting out of the truck she saw two girls helping Toni out onto the porch. She was indeed wasted, she had never seen her like that. Shelby rushed out of the car to help the girls.

Toni looked up and they locked eyes. Immediately she fought to get away from her friends.

“What are you doing here?” Toni spat at her as she came closer. Her eyes were burning with anger and Shelby could feel the heat coming off of her. The only other time she had Toni’s full anger directed at her like that was on the beach when she shoved the pill that saved her life down her throat.

“I’m here to take you home.” Shelby said calmly reaching out for her hand.

“Oh isn’t that rich,” Toni shouted backing away, “You’re here to rescue me. You’re too late. We were already rescued remember? The boats? The bunker? It’s too late for you to be my fucking savior Shelby.”

The way Toni said her name now was so different from all the ways she had said it in the last few days. She took a deep breath and stepped closer to her, again holding out her hand. “Come on, this isn’t about us, this is about you needing to check in at the house. Come on.” Shelby coaxed.

“Nah bruh, I’m good. What does it even fucking matter to you if I don’t check in? Why do you care if I screw up? It’s what everyone expects from me anyway. What’s it to you?” Toni shouted, spinning around the yard with her arms out.

Shelby grabbed her as she started to stumble. “Because I love you, Toni Shalifoe.” Shelby shouted as Toni stopped struggling to get away from her. Shelby was suddenly very aware of the crowd watching and a blush crept up her cheeks. She had never said that to anyone and meant it before.

Toni looked at her still letting Shelby hold her up. “Then why did you leave?” Toni whispered her eyes brimming with tears.

Shelby held her a little tighter. “It doesn’t matter now, I heard something and over reacted. We will sort it out, let’s get you home.”

Carla helped Shelby get Toni to the truck as Toni kept muttering “’’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry,” over and over again.

As Toni settled in next to Shelby in the front seat, she rested her head on Shelby’s shoulder. “I love you too.” She whispered as she closed her eyes.


	18. morning after

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toni fills in the blanks of the night before

Saturday morning Toni woke up and felt like a train had hit her, she did not remember getting home but here she was in her bed.

She vaguely remembered bits and pieces from the night before. She remembered Mama B’s truck, there was coffee and a stern warning to not say anything more than needed as she checked in for the night. And there was Shelby of course, and an I love you? Or had she dreamed that. It was all a blur and her head was pounding. She needed some Orange Gatorade and some Motrin stat.

She checked her phone. A couple messages in the team group chat asking if she got home okay, she must have been in pretty bad shape. A message from Shelby, “Good morning sleepy head.” Man she was an adorable.

It was Saturday she had a whole day with Shelby and she had a plan. She just needed Mother Nature to cooperate. The forecast was calling for snow and Shelby had let Toni know she had never actually seen snow before in person. Toni wanted to take Shelby to do all the winter things MN had to offer that she just couldn’t do in Texas.

Yesterday she had been so hurt that Shelby hadn’t stayed for her game that she had jumped to conclusions and let her anger over take her and she almost lost the good thing she had going here at the house. It sounded like Shelby had a perfectly reasonable explanation, and it sounded like Toni was going to have to come clean about her “rules” of making out only.

First, before any of that, Toni needed to fill in the blanks from last night and that was going to take a conversation with Carla.

“”Yo, bro fill me in, how fucking stupid did I get last night.” Toni texted.

“I mean you were lit, but pretty harmless. You challenged half the guy’s team to a case race, by yourself mind you.” Carla texted back

“Shit, that would be why my head is pounding. Girls?” That was the main thing Toni needed to know, How much worse did she make the situation with Shelby.

“Nah man, any girl that came up you yelled girls suck, and they scattered. You were in rare form.” Carla texted back and Toni let out a sigh of relief. Thank God she had not let her hurt and anger cause her to do something she couldn’t take back.

“Shit, well, girls do suck bro.” Toni texted back laughing. She knew Carla would understand, she had her own player reputation.

“Shelby’s hot, when you fuck it up, you can send her over my way for a shoulder to cry on.” Carla texted.

“Thanks for the vote of confidence dude and thanks for filling in the blanks. I’ll hit ya later.” Toni texted and put her phone away.

Quick run and shower later, since that was all her hungover self could manage, and Toni was putting her plan into action. Picking up some roses, cheese and fruit, she texted the girls (minus Shelby, of course) a picture of her basket, “Look at me now, I’m practically a romantic.”

“Who are you and where is Toni?” Leah texted back

“Splurging for the roses, my little Toni’s all grown up.” Fatin responded.

The Blackburns were in on the plan and they were to get Shelby to the skating rink, saying they were just going to pick up one of Martha’s sisters and Toni would take it from there. Toni was so nervous as she saw the Blackburns truck pull up. Maybe she had miscalculated, just yesterday the girl had left her basketball game early, maybe this was all going to flop. Toni was standing at the entrance to the skating rink, holding a picnic basket she had borrowed from the house and the roses as Mama B stopped the truck, she could see confusion and then a slow smile creep across Shelby’s face. She hopped out of the truck and walked up to Toni.

“Hey you, I had thought you had been ignoring me today, what’s all this?”

“Our first date.” Toni answered back, handing Shelby the roses and leaning in for a slow sweet kiss just as the snow began to fall. 


	19. Chapter 19

Shelby melted at the sight of Toni standing looking all sorts of adorable holding roses and a picnic basket. Shelby was so afraid that Toni wouldn’t want to see her after last night. Martha and Shelby had talked last night when they had gotten back from dropping Toni off and Martha had put her leaving the game in a different perspective. Shelby had even thought about the fact that Toni never had family at her games other than the Blackburns, and with everything going they hadn’t made it to either game this season. Shelby hadn’t even paused to think about her being at the game was to Toni. No wonder she went silence when she figured out Shelby had left. She wasn’t letting her off the hook for what she had been up to when Shelby was locked away in Loving Hope, but she at least owed her the opportunity to explain.

Shelby had never seen snow in person before and now she didn’t if any other snow experience could ever measure up. She felt her first snowflakes on her face as she kissed Toni back. It was as if every kiss with Toni got sweeter, less urgent and more perfect. Toni slowly ended the kiss and Shelby twirled around loving the feeling of the snow. It was like little kisses landing all over her face. She took Toni’s free arm and spun her forcing her to dance in the snow with her. Toni smiled one of the biggest smiles Shelby had ever seen her smile, put the basket and roses on the ground and put one arm around Shelby’s back pulled her into a slow dance posture and they danced around silly in a circle and Shelby leaned her head onto Toni’s shoulder. “Thanks for sharing my first snow with me.” She whispered and she planted a kiss on Toni’s cheek.

“Of course, babe, seeing it through your eyes, makes me see it differently. Let’s find a place to sit and have a snack before we go skating.” Toni said picking up the things, taking Shelby’s hand and leading her down toward a picnic table. Shelby smiled, this girl, always surprising her. Shelby had a surprise u her sleeve as well, seems that Toni wasn’t the only one making secret plans this morning.

Toni led her to the perfect picnic table that was already set with a table cloth and there steaming mugs of hot chocolate covered in marshmallows. “What? Did you just leave all this here?” Shelby asked looking around.

Toni laughed, “Nah I had helpers,” she explained, as Martha’s two younger sisters popped out from behind the tree giggling. “Thanks ladies, your mom’s in the parking lot. You’re the best.” Toni said as the girls waved and ran off.

“Toni, I don’t really know what to say,” Shelby said as she sat down, her voice getting quieter, “No one has every done anything like this for me. I don’t deserve it. Especially after yesterday, Toni. I’m… ” Shelby looked down at her hands. She felt awful that she missed the entire game except one shot.

“Babe, stop, it’s okay, we both made mistakes yesterday, it’s okay. You deserve more than my messed up self, but for some reason you are still here.” Toni interrupted. Taking her hand that wasn’t holding the hot chocolate. Shelby’s insides did somersaults every time Toni called her babe.

“I want to talk about it, I apologize for leaving the game. I happened to over hear a girl bragging about hooking up with you and I just hated thinking of you sleeping with someone else.

“Woah, babe sleeping with? No no. I have not slept with anyone but you since the lychees. By hooking up, she means making out. And yeah I made out with a few girls this fall when I didn’t know where your head was. I know it sounds stupid, but I had rules.” Toni said looking sheepish and Shelby hated admitted it, completely adorable. Shelby could feel the tension that had been building up in her neck since she first hear that girl talking yesterday. It had not been nearly as bad as Shelby had made it out in her head. Kisses she could handle, and Toni was right, Shelby hadn't been able to communicate with Toni and let her know how much she thought about her. Could she really blame her for kissing someone else while she was in the dark? 

“Rules?” Shelby inquired.

“Yeah, rules to make sure it didn’t go too far and rules to make sure it didn’t mean anything until I was able to talk to you. I only kissed straight girls and never the same girl twice and it never went further than first base. And I never talked to them again so it didn't mean anything. You have to understand, I had no idea what was going on. For all I knew, they had managed to pray the gay away. I was terrified that you would come out of their hating me and wanting nothing to do with me. I needed distraction. I’m so sorry.” Toni explained, looking down. Shelby was immediately reminded of all the fear and anxiety she had in Loving Hope and knew know that Toni had been feeling even more anxiety.

Shelby took a sip of the hot chocolate as she let Toni's words sink in. She had at least been thinking about Shelby, even though obviously Shelby would have preferred Toni had distracted herself with a hobby that didn't involve other girls' lips. 

"How many?" Shelby asked, she wasn't entirely sure it mattered but she wanted to know what they were talking about here, a few or like every bi curious girl in town. 

"5. And they really didn't mean anything, And it didn't even work at distracting me, every time I was kissing someone else I would think about you even more clearly. I know, I messed up, I'm sorry. I don't want to lose this, this good thing we are starting." Toni said and continuing to avoid eye contact with Shelby. 

Shelby put the hot chocolate down and took Toni’s other hand in hers, her hands were shaking she was nervous about Shelby's reaction and that hurt Shelby's heart a little but also made it sweet that Toni was as all in on what they were starting as she was. It made her feel solid about the decision she had made that morning and the conversation she had had with her mom.

“Look at me Toni, I don’t love that you kissed other girls. But I meant what I said last night, I love you. We were thrown into crazy situation after crazy situation, first the island, then the bunker, then me being shipped away for three months, but we made it out of all that and we are here together, and that’s really all that matters. I’m sorry I missed the game but I won’t miss another one all season, I promise.” Shelby suppressed a giggle as she watched the confusion on her girlfriend’s face.

“Wait, what, how?” Toni asked, looking even more confused.

“You weren’t the only one who had been busy this morning, Mrs. Goodkind might have spoken to your headmaster and a certain student will be enrolling as a new boarding student after Thanksgiving.” Shelby exclaimed and loved watching Toni’s face change from confusion to pure joy. She looked just like a kid on Christmas morning.

“I can’t believe you are staying. You just made my whole year. I love you Shelby Goodkind.” Toni leaned in and kissed Shelby deep and slow, holding Shelby’s face in her hands. The snow was coming down heavier and it was colder than it ever got in Texas but Shelby was perfectly warm and content in that moment.


	20. Friendsgiving

Toni laid in bed, letting the weekend play over in her head. It had been a fucking roller coaster of emotions. She had the hurt and disappointment of Friday night and the high of yesterday. She was so glad that Shelby had acceptable that she had kissed some girls while Shelby had been away.

Mother Nature had come through and their date yesterday had been what dreams were made of. She couldn’t have scripted it any better, she got to hold onto Shelby as she fell multiple times on the rink. For a pageant queen, she wasn’t that smooth on skates. It always made Toni smile to see Shelby drop the perfect veneer that she held onto so tight. And Toni would never complain about getting to have physical contact with Shelby.

She was so glad to have Shelby here, of course she was, but it was a lot. She didn’t have the best track record of handling her emotions and she was feeling overwhelmed this morning. Shelby was going to church this morning and had invited Toni to go with her. She wanted to be around Shelby as much as possible but she didn’t have in her to go to church. It was hard for her to understand why it was still something Shelby wanted to do after her religion had taught her that her relationship with Toni was a sin. It scared Toni that Shelby would suddenly decide she couldn’t do it anymore. Things were so good with Shelby but Toni ‘s life had taught her to not ever get too comfortable, because the other shoe would drop.

Toni went for a run to try and clear her head, today was Shelby’s last day here before she went home to Texas for a week. Toni wished that she wasn’t in a home with 5 other teens and that Shelby was not staying at the Blackburns. She wasn’t going lie the reunion in the car in the airport parking had been great but she wanted more. She wanted them to just be able to be alone somewhere, anywhere. At least on the island they had the ability to get away into the jungle and once Shelby had been okay to tell everyone, no one questioned when they disappeared together.

Toni heard her phone going off as she was getting out of the shower. “Howdy, Mrs. Blackburn is picking you up in 30 minutes. Get ready.”

Toni laughed and rolled her eyes as she read Shelby’s text. Of course, she was going to have to try and outdo Toni’s surprise from yesterday. You could take the pageant queen out of the competition but you couldn’t take the competition out of the pageant queen. Toni got dressed and went to hang out in the living room until Shelby and Mrs. Blackburn got there.

“Hey stranger.” Jayna said as Toni and plopped next to her on the couch. “You emerged from your room and didn’t walk right out the door! It’s a fucking miracle.”

“Ouch bro.” Toni said playfully swatting her arm.

Jayna was right though, Toni had been lost in Shelby land since she got those letters. It was part of what had made her feel so overwhelmed this morning. Her and Shelby had met in a bubble, a crazy situation away from the every day lives. This weekend had been straight out of a dream and didn’t feel real either.

The reality was that Shelby was moving here and Toni was going to have to figure out how to have her life and have Shelby in it. She tried to imagine coming over to the house and hanging out in the living with her roommates and she just couldn’t picture it. Toni loved her roommates but they were all rough around the edges, they were queer kids in the system and had fought for everything. She couldn’t imagine them getting along with Shelby, but hey she hadn’t gotten along with Shelby at the beginning either. It always made her laugh to think about how much she annoyed her on the plane when she was forcing ice breakers on them. She knew her roommates were not the icebreaker crowd either.

Time flew as Toni was just enjoying talking with Jayna that she was almost sad when she heard Mama B’s truck outside. She was glad of course to spend time with Shelby but it was nice to not be thinking of her for a while.

She grabbed her mom’s jacket and ran out to the car. All the sadness at leaving her roommates disappeared as soon as she saw Shelby sitting in the front seat. She really was beautiful.

“Where are we headed? “Toni asked as she slid into the truck next to Shelby.

“You’ll see.” Shelby said as she held Toni’s hand. Toni loved how perfectly Shelby’s hand fit in hers and how normal it felt. The normalness of it gave her hope that she had just been in her head this morning, maybe Shelby could fit into her life as perfectly as their hands fit together.

“Are we going back to the Blackburns?” Toni asked as she tried to not express her disappointment. She loved the Blackburns and loved hanging out with Marti but she was kind of hoping to get to spend some more alone time with Shelby.

“Maybe.” Shelby said with a special twinkle in her eyes, or was Toni just imagining that. What was she up to?

As they pulled up to the Blackburns, Shelby was on her phone, who was she texting?

As Mrs. Blackburn went to open the front door, Toni heard people murmuring and shushing. What was happening.

As she walked in, she saw Fatin first , what the fuck was she doing here and why was she sitting behind the Blackburns couch. Then everyone else popped out from hiding. Her heart swelled at seeing her Unsinkable sisters, but what were they doing here?

“Since I am going to be home for Thanksgiving on Thursday, we thought we would do Friendsgiving today, and we couldn’t do Friendsgiving without everyone else.” Shelby said excitedly as she hugged Toni’s shoulders.

This was the single nicest and most thoughtful thing anyone had ever done for her. Holidays were never a big deal for her because when she was with her mom, her mom usually forgot it was a holiday and then since she’s been in foster homes it had never really meant anything to her. To be honest, Toni hadn’t even realized Thursday was Thanksgiving. She didn’t even know how to express how many emotions were swelling up in her. This girl.

The Blackburns’ table was piled with all the foods that they had talked about wanting on the island and there was even a bowl of Takis. They laughed and talked and ate and laughed and talked and ate all afternoon. The Unsinkables hadn’t been all together since the bunker because Shelby had been locked away for the media tour. The first day on the plane, Toni had no idea the impact these girls would have on her life and to be honest she hadn’t realized how much she missed them being all together.

Toni went outside to get some air after they finally finished stuffing their faces. She sat on the Blackburns front steps just trying to process all the overwhelming emotions.

“Hey, you okay?” Shelby said softly as she sat down next to her.

Toni wiped a tear from her eye. Ugh she was so not a crier and she hated that Shelby was going to see her crying. She didn’t even know why she was fucking crying.

“Yeah, I’m cool,” Toni said, turning her face away from Shelby so she wouldn’t see her crying.

“Hey, hey, what’s the matter?” Shelby said as took Toni in her arms. Being in Shelby’s arms just felt so comforting that Toni turned back toward her and allowed herself to cry on her shoulder. She had never done that with anyone, she did not like getting that vulnerable.

“You have no idea what this means to me. I don’t exactly have great holiday memories. Now I have a new happy Thanksgiving memory, and you did that. “ Toni said as she looked into those deep green eyes.

Shelby leaned in and kissed her on her forehead and it was one of the sweetest kisses Toni had ever had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I started I wanted to explore their reunion after the island and how they got there. Now I want to explore how a couple that start in such a crazy experience transitions into real life. I don't see Shelby and Toni have the same taste in friends at school so I want to play with what their relationship looks like in every day life.


	21. The beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shelby's big move.

Shelby’s right hand was shaking as her mom pulled up to the outside of Woodbridge Academy. Shelby’s mom had suggested them making her move into a girl’s road trip, and surprisingly, Shelby had actually enjoyed being trapped in the car with her mom. She was such a different person away from her father’s influence. Shelby felt as if her mom finally was trying to understand who Shelby was as a person and not just the image she had been forced to portray for so long.

This was a huge move, leaving Texas behind for senior year in Minnesota. And then college where? She already knew the answer, wherever Toni was going. She loved that she had ambitions to go to college now. That was so different than the girl that first washed up on the beach that couldn’t have cared less about college. Thinking to the Shelby that washed up on the beach, if you told her less than a year later, she would have survived conversion therapy, came out to her mom, have a girlfriend, and be moving to Minnesota to be near her, she would have laughed in your face and said no, she didn’t do those things.

She was excited about a new school and in a way she was excited for the boarding school part as well. She had loved the sisterhood of the island and in its strange way, the sisterhood of Loving Hope. She still kept with Anna on Facebook. Anna had a girl on the down low and was checking all the boxes to abide by the rules until it got to to softball season. She felt so bad for her because Shelby felt so free that she finally didn’t have to hide anything from anyone.

It wasn’t all happiness though, she had no friends other than the Unsinkables, this was a completely new start. She had had a horrible conversation with Andrew the night before Thanksgiving, that he quickly told everyone at church and school about. She had tried to text a few of her former friends “Happy Thanksgiving” and heard absolutely nothing back. She then saw plenty of insta stories from a party on Friday night that it seemed as if everybody but her was there. Further evidence that there was nothing left for her in Fort Travis.

For better or worse, the experience on the island had expanded her world beyond church and pageants and there was no way the new Shelby could fit back into that box. Where did the new Shelby fit? She had no idea yet. Her life had been anything but normal since the bunker. Time crawled while she was in Loving Hope and the three weeks since her release had flown by. She was ready to settle into a more normal routine.

As her mom parked her car in the loading zone outside the dorm building, Shelby took a deep breath, shot Toni a text that she was here and looked at the package the school had sent. “Alright Mama, we better get started moving these boxes, we are headed to Room 303. Let’s hope there’s a working elevator.” Shelby said she stuck the room key into her pocket. As she got out of the car, she noticed a whole group of girls in gym clothes coming up, was that Toni, what was she doing.

As the group came closer, she saw that it was indeed Toni and she recognized the rest of the girls from the tiny bit of the basketball game she had actually seen. What were they doing here?

“You can put that box down Mrs. Goodkind, we got this.” Toni said as they walked up to her mom. “I don’t know if you remember me Mrs. Goodkind, I’m Toni Shalifoe. It’s good to see you again.” Toni said as she reached out to shake her mom’s hand. Shelby rolled her eyes at the Shalifoe charm on full blast. Toni caught Shelby’s eye and winked.

Shelby was shocked when her mom embraced Toni in a hug and said, “Of course I remember you Toni. Good to see you again honey. And are you sure? Shelby and I are capable of carrying boxes.”

That Shalifoe charm was insane, no one was immune, not even her mama, Shelby thought, laughing to herself.

Toni went to start grabbing boxes with her teammates. She knew she was playing it cool because of Shelby’s mom but was she really not going to say hi to her? Her mom got a hug and she didn’t?

“Hey you? Hello?” Shelby called.

Toni smiled and put down the box she had been hauling and stepped toward Shelby and said, “Hey Shel, I’m glad you are here.”

Shelby leaned in and hugged her and whispered, “I’m glad I’m here too," as Toni leaned in and hugged her back. It was so nice to just be back in Toni's arms again. This, this feeling right here was why she was picking up her life and moving to Minnesota. 

“Yo Shalifoe, where we headed with this stuff?” One of the teammates hollered as they had they arms loaded down. 

“Room 303, I have the key, I’ll come with.” Shelby said. 

Shelby noticed as she went to grab her phone and purse out of the car that Toni’s teammates were whispered and one motioned Toni over. One whispered something into Toni’s ear that made Toni make Toni grimace. Was her room haunted or something.

“Mrs. Goodkind, would you mind taking the key and letting the girls in the room? They’ll show you where, and put that down! I promise we got this.” Toni said as she motioned for Shelby to come lean against the car with her. Shelby blushed, was she sending her mom away so they could actually say hello to each other as she wanted to. As soon as he mom and the girls were in the building, Shelby leaned into kiss Toni and Toni pulled away.

“Shel, we have to talk, “Toni said nervously, the swag she had walked u with was gone. Shelby tried to hide her disappointment, what was so important that she had to say it right now?

“Your roommate. Amber. Um. I know her and um” Shelby’s heart sank, she immediately knew what Toni was trying to say and her teammate’s behavior made sense now. As soon as she said the room number, they knew that Shelby was going to have to live with one of the girls her girlfriend had kissed.


	22. Halloween

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toni thinks about when she met Amber.

Toni had the worst fucking luck. Of all the boarding students, the one who needed a roommate mid-term was Amber? Toni hadn’t even known she was a boarding student until Carla clued her in. She had just been a girl.

Amber had been the last girl that Toni had hooked up with before she got the letters from Shelby. It had been a Halloween party at one of her teammate’s houses. She had gone her typical “fuck it” route when it came to Halloween costumes and was a basketball player. The house was one of the nicest Toni had ever been in and she had immediately felt uncomfortable. So, in true Shalifoe fashion she had gone straight for the alcohol, the full bar these kids were able to accumulate for parties was always impressive. She poured some vodka straight into the orange Gatorade she had brought with her. The music was a little too poppy but she would manage at least is had a beat.

She had noticed Amber because she had been dancing by herself in the backyard and didn’t seem to give a shit about what anybody thought. She was a bit of a thicker girl, and was dressed as a nurse in a costume that showed every curve, it was definitely working for her. She was just getting lost in the music and Toni couldn’t help but be intrigued. She got recruited as a beer pong partner and lost track of the girl as she got into the swing of competition. Her and her partner Geoff, the guy she sat next to in the back of English class, were running the table. After 6 wins, she was about ready to take a break when the dancing girl and a friend walked up the table.

“Ready to lose, I mean we might be doing y’all a favor, you must be getting tired.” The girl said as she set up the cups.

“Sorry sweetheart, I don’t get tired.” Toni responded, nothing like a little trash talk to wake her up and get her back into the game. 

Surprisingly, the girl hadn’t been all talk and it was the tightest game they had. It was down to one cup and Toni had one shot left to win it.

“Don’t choke,” the girl yelled just as Toni let the shot go and of course made the shot.

“Nice try, you are going to have to try harder than that to get me off my game.” Toni said as she high fived Geoff. 

They locked eyes as she came over and stuck out her hand, “good game, I’m Amber.”

“Yeah you too, I’m Toni.” Toni said and they shook.

“Oh I know who you are,” Amber said as she walked away.

What the hell did that mean. A few games later and her and Geoff finally lost. She had finished her drink and went to get something else.

“Toni, come do a shot with us?” Someone called right as Toni was getting to the alcohol table, she looked around to see who was asking. Amber. Of course. She was sitting with a few other girls Toni didn’t know, which wasn’t surprising, she didn’t know a lot of people yet.

Toni thought why the hell not and went over and propped herself up on the side of the chair that Amber was sitting in as she poured her shot of something brown, whiskey maybe? It turned out Amber was pretty fucking funny. After another shot, Toni let Amber lead her onto the makeshift dancefloor in the backyard. The music had gotten a little more hip hop and a little more her speed and Amber really was a good fucking dancer. Of course the night ended with Toni and Amber behind the pool house making out. And if she was being honest, it had been the one time that Toni was tempted to break her own rules.

It wasn’t just the unfortunate roommate pairing, nothing about today had gone as she had pictured. Toni had hoped that after they had carried her stuff up, Shelby’s mom would want to get back on the road and Toni and Shelby would finally get some time alone in an actual room, with an actual bed. Something they had never had access to. Whether it was the revelation about Amber or not, Shelby was not on the same page. She thanked the team and Toni and said her and her mom were going to hang out for a bit setting up her room.

Toni had been dismissed. There went her plans for the afternoon. “We’re going to go get some food, T, you coming?” Jessica asked as they were walking out of the dorm building. Well sure, she might as well now that Shelby was otherwise occupied.

They ended up a local burger joint not far from school. Toni couldn’t help but be in her head. Friendsgiving had been great, but it was a week ago today and the week had been crazy busy. Between homework, practice and two away games, let alone Thanksgiving, and Shelby packing and preparing to move to Minnesota, she and Shelby had barely connected. Then Shelby made her very clear she wanted some time to just settle into her room with her mom, Toni couldn’t help but have her feelings hurt.

Toni took out her phone and was surprised to already see a text from Shelby. “Hey honey, thanks for moving me in! I don’t think my mom could love you more. Apparently, you are so polite, who knew? :p” Toni smiled, she was being ridiculous, of course Shelby would want a little time with her mom before she left. What was it about Shelby that had her all in her head, she wanted to get back to just trusting that it was something good.

“I don’t know bro, I was just kind of surprised, she seems a little up tight, not at all who I excepted.” Toni overheard one of teammates talking and it was pretty obviously about Shelby. Carla was flirting with the waitress, Jess and Meg were arm wrestling at the end and someone had just burped really loudly. As she looked down the table of everybody goofing off, she just couldn’t imagine Shelby here fucking off, but Toni loved it. She was so happy to be part of a team again and actually felt like she belonged. It had been slow in the beginning because of the reputation she had had at Hopewell High, but she could finally say that she considered her teammates friends. How was Shelby going to fit in the life she was piecing together here.

Another group of kids from school came in and their table grew. They were exactly the kind of group Toni had hated when she was serving. She would have never believed you a year ago that she would be sitting here actually having a good time with a bunch of private school kids.

As they were finally leaving the restaurant, she got a text from Shelby, “Hey mom just left, you nearby, can you come hang out?”

Toni smiled, maybe she would get some alone time with her girlfriend after all.

When she knocked on room 303, Shelby yelled come on in.

When Toni walked in, Shelby was in the bed and her comforter pulled up and she motioned for Toni to come over.

Toni laughed, “Really Shel? What about your roommate?”

“Amber and some of her friends swung by and grabbed her laptop, and invited me to a movie marathon. It was a tough decision, but I had an idea that might be more entertaining.” Shelby said letting the blanket fall a bit.

Toni inhaled quickly and didn’t waste time, kicking her shoes off and leaning down and kissing Shelby as she got in the bed. All thoughts of the Halloween party disappeared and Toni let herself lose control with the girl she had waited for all those months.


	23. I am

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shelby makes a declaration

This. This is why Shelby moved to MN. They were snuggled in her bed watching episode 1 of The 100 on her tablet. Toni had told her it was required viewing and was appalled that Shelby had never seen it. It was such an ordinary night but their whole story so far had been so strange that just being able to Netflix and chill was extraordinary for them. Toni was leaning back against her, her head on her shoulder. Just having her body against her felt like home. Shelby reached down to move a piece a hair off her face and Toni smiled up at her with a sweet, sleepy smile. As the episode wore on, she felt Toni's body heavier against her and could tell she had dozed off. She looked forward to 100s of identical nights.

Beep Beep

“What the fuck?” Toni said startled.

Shelby laughed and hugged Toni from behind. “I knew we would lose track of time and I don’t want to get in trouble my first night here, and you need to get home to check in too.”

Toni pouted a little and shook her head no. She was so cute when she pouted. Shelby wished they were free like Fatin and Dot and could just stay in bed together all night. She thought of all the wasted nights on the island that they could have laid next to each other and were too busy hating each other.

“I don’t wanna move.” Toni said as she stretched. They she moved so she was facing Shelby and her voice got softer, “This was nice.” And she leaned in and kissed Shelby softly on her lips and ran her hand through her hair. Shelby closed eyes, she wanted to hold onto this moment and reference it any time things got hard or confusing. In this moment, she was 100 percent that there was no way a feeling this pure could be a sin.

Shelby was broken out of the moment by the sound of a key in the door. Darn. Toni untangled herself and Shelby wished she hadn’t, she wanted Amber to know immediately that Toni was no longer available.

“Toni! What are you doing here? I didn’t know you were coming over? I’m sorry I wasn’t here. Shelby, you have come to get me.” Amber said as she came in and looked over at Shelby’s bed. Ugh this girl was so dense, did she really think Toni was her to see her.

“What up Amber, nah I’m actually headed out, came over to hang out with Shel for a bit.” Toni smiled back at Shelby as she reached down to put her sneakers on.

“Oh. I didn’t realize y’all knew each other.” Amber said putting her stuff down on her bed. Shelby loved the look on her face. She knows it is unchristian of her but she just needed Amber to know exactly what the situation was, and then hope they could be friends. Or at least co-exist.

“ I’m sure I’ll be seeing you around Amber. “Toni said as she turned toward Shelby, “Walk me down babe?”

Shelby felt her whole face light up, she loved that Toni called her babe in front of Amber she was afraid Toni would be weird but it was as if she could read Shelby’s mind about exactly how she needed her to act to make her feel comfortable in this awkward encounter.

“Of course.” Shelby said, hopping out of bed, throwing on a Fort Travis gray sweatshirt and some flip flops. Toni took Shelby’s hand as they walked out. “Be right back,” Shelby called to Amber as she walked out.

That couldn’t have gone any better, and Shelby leaned over and kissed Toni’s cheek. Shelby noticed a few stares when they walked through the lobby of the dorm holding hands and for once, she didn’t care. Let them stare.

When they got to the car, she leaned up against the driver’s door so Toni couldn’t get in. “Oh, is that how its going to be, “Toni said as she went in to tickle Shelby. Toni’s playful side was on of Shelby’s favorite things about her. It was a sign of Toni’s resiliency that with everything she had gone through, she still could be a silly little kid. 

“Stop, stop, stop it, you just need to pay the toll.” Shelby said laughing wiggling away from her.

“Toll you say? I can do that.” Toni said as she wrapped her arms around Shelby’s waist and pulled her closer and kissed her so deeply it took her breath away. Shelby had never experienced how different kisses could be with Andrew. Every kiss with Toni was different and brought up different emotions in Shelby. And she was convinced every new kiss was better than the one before.

Shelby was still riding the high of that kiss as she walked into her room. Amber was ready with questions, the second she opened the door.

“How do you know her?” Amber inquired.

“Long story, a fake plane crash, stranded on an island together, trapped in a bunker.” Shelby said and she went to get the shower stuff she had laid out earlier. She needed to have a few moments to herself to just continue to live in the pretty pink bubble of the afternoon.

“Oh shit, you’re THE girl.” Amber exclaimed. 

“The girl?” Shelby asked laughing.

“Yeah, the mystery crash -gate girl that wasn’t on any of the shows and didn’t do any interviews. The girl that Toni was waiting on.” Amber said picking up her phone, tapping away. “Yes!! It is you.” Amber said turning her phone toward Shelby and Shelby saw a picture of herself from when they were rescued from bunker and before she was carted away to Loving Hope.

“Ugh not that picture, not my most flattering moment.” Shelby said continuing to gather her stuff.

“No, you are so much prettier in person. So much. Before you go shower, I should probably tell you, um.” Amber started looking awkward.

“You kissed my girlfriend? I already know, it’s cool. Well, I mean it is what it is.” Shelby interrupted, laughing nervously.

Amber looked so relieved. “Oh thank goodness you knew, I mean she’s hot, and a good kisser, but I’m not..” Amber said trailing.

“Lucky for me, I am.” Shelby said as she grabbed her shower tote and walked out of the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank y'all for all the support!! Y'all are so sweet. 
> 
> I think this fic is done. 
> 
> ******UPDATE: This fic is done but this world isn't. I decided to make this part of a series. Look out for Lost Without You to see what happens to Shelby and Toni two years from when Letters ends.******* 
> 
> Also check out my Tumblr: Wild at Hart and feel free to send prompts you want to see for this ship! 
> 
> I may change my mind but this felt like the natural conclusion. 
> 
> I will still play with this ship because, she obsessed. 
> 
> Maybe I'll make this a series and jump 5 years in this world. Who knows. (2 years= see above lol) 
> 
> Thank you so much for your likes and sweet comments, this was so much fun to write! 
> 
> Shoni forever!


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